i.hate.banks

I have to get this out of my chest.

I

HATE

BANKS

I hate being in a bank.

I hate dealing with banks.

I hate what a bank stands for.

And sometimes, I hate the people working in the banks.

A few years ago a local Malaysian bank (with a tiger as logo) tried to cheat me of more than RM20,000. Luckily I have my own personal Chartered Accountant.

Today was an experience of gargantuan ineptitude.

As a customer I was told to go home to print my own form. This was from your own "world's local bank." I wondered out loud - what would happen if I don't have internet at home; or my printer runs out of ink - "go to the internet cafe," I was told (by the acne infested 13-year-old bank greeter).

I went to other bank and was told that I couldn't do my transaction because it closed at 1pm - and I was told this at 12.55pm! That one was from a large UAE bank. The name of the bank starts with "M". And ends with "ashreq"

I even got shouted at by the teller for being "late."

Of course I shouted back at her.

But I did change my tact when I intercepted the bank manager. I broke out a charm offensive. I shook his hand and spoke to him with respect. I said please and thank you, spoke almost in whisper. I explained to him nicely how my life doesn't revolve around hanging out in bank lobbies and eventually persuaded him to take my money.

So now I'm hoping I don't have to see the inside of a bank for a few more years.

I shall keep dreaming.

WurlKap'10

This is your chance to lift the World Cup! WurlKap'10 is an indoor 5-a-side tournament organized by your own My-UAE. Register your team now. Places are limited! (Registration will be on a first come first serve basis) If you are interested, you can register up to 8 players. The fee will be DH535 per team. A 10% discounted fee of DH480 per team will apply if 6 or more of your team members are registered and paid members of My-UAE, the Association of Malaysians in the UAE. You can register as a paid My-UAE member before kick off and still be eligible for the discount. All Malaysians, spouses and children of Malaysians regardless of race, age or gender are eligible to play. Registration fee will include jerseys as well! The event will take place at 3pm on Friday, 11th June 2010 at Salahudin Hall, Al-Mamzar. To register, please contact: Abdul Mazed email: mazedgafor@yahoo.com.my tel :050 749 0858 Haikal Hanib email: kppid14@gmail.com tel: 050 559 2177 Elya Shariff email: elya76@yahoo.com tel: 050 859 2662 Redza Jamil email: redzajamil@gmail.com tel: 050 292 1402

Brought to you by My-UAE. For Malaysians, by Malaysians.

The greatest lesson I learned

I still remember this great lesson I learned in school. I still remember how the teacher taught me that lesson and I still remember the teacher very well. He had an unusual way of teaching. He was an English teacher but he taught lessons in life. He's unorthodoxy took us outside in more than one occasion. I remember watching Pink Floyd's "Another Brick In The Wall" music video in the library's AV room as a lesson. I remember sitting around his car listening to his sound system. I don't remember what he taught that day but I remember the car (a Honda Prelude licence plate ABC 1111)

I also remember vividly the day he took us out of the classroom to take a walk. When we all gathered outside he told us that today there will be a race. The first person to touch the big tree outside the school gym wins the contest. It was a simple game with very few rules and we wondered what the whole point of it was.

Nobody wanted to run for it as it would just look silly. The last thing a 17-year-old high schooler would want to do is look uncool in front of his classmates. So the boys came up with a devious plan to just block the path to the tree so that the girls couldn't get there first. The girls tried and tried but we wouldn't let them through. On the way we joked and laughed. We got distracted while we walked slowly. We even stopped to take photos. Yes, that's the photo we took on while in the race! It was one of the easiest class we had!

When we got outside the gym having exhausted ourselves fooling around we were told to sit around the tree. While he waited for us to settle down he just stood there, leaning, with one hand on the tree. When we finally got our act together he asked us a question. He asked us what he told us to do. What the game was. Who does what to win.

And then I remembered.

On that day he taught us a valuable lesson. When we set out to do something there are always obstacles. On the way there would be distractions. There would be times when some others would even try to stop us from getting there. But the goal should never be forgotten. Never forget what we set out to do and why we do it.

And that, boys and girls, is the greatest lesson I have ever learned.

Thank you Mr. Wahi.

'avin a laff

Sunday 2 May -

The venue was Modesto's at Sri Hartamas and the event was a Premier League match screening organised by the Chelsea FC Supporters Club Malaysia Branch.

The atmosphere was epic and the result was heartbreaking - to a Liverpool fan, that is! But I'm sure you know that already.

We're one match away from the title and you can bet your a** that we'll be keeping the blue flag flying high. Just like the pictures.

So where am I from again?

When I was young I always felt left out when my friends would talk about their 'balik kampung' trips. I was born and brought up in KL. My late grandparents and all of my aunties and uncles live in KL. So there was never a 'balik kampung' trip for me. When asked, I even felt a little bit embarrassed that I don't have a 'kampung' to call my own. Now that I'm all grown up things have changed. I feel really proud that I'm a born and bred KL-ian. I'm a city boy through and through.

My father on the other hand is from Perak. His brothers and sisters still speak like Perakians, even after living in KL most of their adult lives. I call my uncles, aunties and cousins by colloquial names. In the family there's Wan, Yan, Nyah, Dak, Enda, Chu and Chik. There's also Chor, Teh, Tam, Yong, Lope, Yang, Tak, Ki and Tah. Then we can add the Ayah, Wan, Kak or Abang at the beginning to make Ayah Nyah, Wan Nyah, Kak Nyah or Abang Nyah. Now all this seem a bit confusing if you come from outside the family but it has some sense in it. Wan is always the eldest with Chik and Chu assigned to the youngest. Chor or Shor is a derivative of Besor which means big (besar). So Adik Shor just means Adik Besar.

Still confused? Don't worry about it. I'm in my mid-thirtys and still get confused with my uncles' and aunties' birth order.

My mother was born in KL. She has roots in the North which is why the Boria Gang (as my Mak's brother's and sisters are known as) still speak their loghat Penang when they get together. Now, on this side there's the Northern colloquial names. There's Mak Besar (or Mak Besaq to be more accurate) who is the eldest and Mak Chu who is the youngest. And the uncles have their names preceded by Baba. So there's Baba Chan (who passed away recently), Baba Din and Baba Chik.

Sometimes I feel a little sad that my generation has not carried this on. We are Uncles and Aunties, Mommies and Daddies. But I'm happy I'm still known as Abang Nyah to my sister and younger cousins, Ayah Nyah to my nephews and nieces and one day I hope to be old enough to be Tok Nyah.

So there you go. I am a mixed Penangite-Perakian-KL boy who lives in Dubai and writing this in Sao Paolo, Brazil.

Where are you from and what do you call your relatives?

Announcing the arrival of...

So he finally arrived.

At around 3pm Thursday she felt her contractions getting closer. She called Andrea the doula, and she told me to monitor it closer and if there's progress we should go to the hospital. We had packed two bags and I was checking the list to make sure we had everything when she suddenly said we had to go.

I told Minion One (Nabil) to get the bag and Minion Two (Rayhana) to get the birthing (exercise) ball and shove it in the boot of the car. Before we knew it we were in the car heading for the hospital. The ride is only about three minutes and it must have been the longest three minutes of our lives. I jumped out of the car and went straight into the Emergency Room and I was just about to shout out when I felt the stare of a thousand pairs of eyes on me. So I just asked the nearest nurse -softly- for a wheelchair for my wife who is in labour. She was wheeled into the ER and I jumped back into the car.

While I parked I saw Andrea the doula walk in with her bag-o-goodies and I felt a little bit better. I didn't know it then but apparently while seated on the wheelchair with the baby's head just about popping out of er... where babies come out from, Kolin was being interviewed. According to her, she politely asked him if he could do this later. (There might be a different version of this story if I should ask the admissions clerk)

When I walked in I bumped into Andrea the doula, and she asked me where she was, which puzzled me because she was there the whole time while I was parking the car! Of course, the do-not-panic-under-pressure-while-the-underwear-is-being-soiled training came in and I calmly walked into the ER to ask where my wife is. "She's up in the labour room." So there we went. They must have crossed paths when she was wheeled onto the other elevator!

At this point of time I thought I would know exactly what to do having done this before. Some... time... before...

I tried to be busy. I tried to read the birth plan again - which I thought I would have time for! But nothing would register!

To cut a long story short... actually... hang on! The story is short! Kolin was in the labour room for maximum 30 minutes when he popped out. When we arrived at the hospital she was FULLY dialated. Imagine that! Any longer in the car I would have to name him Honda!

The hynobabies stuff works! No drugs! Not even time for an IV line to be put in -just in case. And Andrea the doula was fantastic! I had no idea what I was doing. More precisely, I had no idea what I was supposed to do! But Andrea the doula did it all!

Dr. Shiva was cool too! Kolin had discussed with her the Birth Plan (which we were to rename Birth Preference - because almost nothing goes to plan in a labour room). She kept to it. The nurses too! Thank God for that... because like I say, I thought I had time to be refreshed but I didn't!

When everything settled I realised that I only had time for one bag. I left one bag at home (which had the babies clothes in it) and my camera bag as well. We were rushed. It was mad. But we made it in time.

My wife was wonderful. Her decision to do this drug free was the bravest thing to do. It was good for the baby and it was good for her too.

Getting a doula to help us out was a great idea too. She was mainly there just in case I was at work when this happened but by the grace of God all this happened the day after I finished my last flight to start two weeks off. And she turned out better than I expected!

Thanks Andrea.

And thanks to Dr. Shiva for honouring our wishes.

The bundle of joy came out to this world at 4.05pm (Dubai time) on the 7th of January 2010 (21 Muharram 1431), weighing 2.665kg.

We've named him Walif Za'eem.

In Arabic:

Walif وليف (origin ولف) means companion, associate,comrade; friend, pal 
and

Za'eem زعيم means leader, chief, head, boss, strongman.

Thank you all for your wishes and prayers. Thank you all for the gifts and good thoughts.

I pray that my son becomes as he is named, a friend and a leader and be an asset to his brother and sister, his parents, all that he is related to and to his Ummah. Ameen.